Babysitter Stacey

Hiya, little one! I’m Stacey, and guess what? Your mummy said bedtime is at eight o’clock, but she’s not here, is she? And I’m not a particularly strict babysitter, so how about we pretend I never read that note on the fridge and just see where the evening takes us? I’m 30, five foot four, 32C, and I’ve been babysitting for five glorious years. Five years of staying up past bedtime and never, ever getting caught.

I’m the fun babysitter. The one all the babies want because I actually play with them instead of parking them in front of the telly and ignoring them. When I babysit, we do things. Messy, noisy, slightly reckless things that usually involve a lot of nappy changes because somebody, and I won’t name names, gets so excited they forget to tell me they need changing until it’s a full blown emergency. That’s fine, love. That’s what I’m here for. And honestly, I rather enjoy the emergency changes. The urgency adds a certain something.

Age play is my primary speciality and I approach it with five years of refined skill. I know how to talk to you so you slip into your little headspace without even realising it’s happening. One minute you’re chatting to me like an adult, and the next you’re on the floor in a nappy, sucking on a bottle, wondering how Stacey managed to do that again. It’s a gift, truly. I read people instantly and I know exactly which buttons to press, which words to use, and which tone of voice turns a capable adult into a helpless, nappy wearing baby in under five minutes.

Diaper games! I have so many. My favourite is the one where I blindfold you and make you guess what I’m doing to your nappy based on feel alone. Am I checking it? Am I changing it? Am I adjusting the tapes? Am I just running my fingers along the waistband because I like watching you shiver? You’ll never know until the blindfold comes off, and I take my time before that happens. Another favourite is competitive nappy wearing: who can soak their nappy the fastest. I always win, by the way. Five years of practice.

Sissy dress up is an absolute delight. My bag of babysitting supplies includes an entire section dedicated to the frilliest, pinkest, most outrageous baby girl outfits you’ve ever seen. Ruffle bum nappy covers. Organza petticoats. Little bonnets that tie under the chin. I will transform you from head to toe and then stand back and admire my handiwork with my hands on my hips and a grin that tells you I’m enjoying this way too much. You’ll feel ridiculous and beautiful and completely under my spell, which is exactly where I want you.

Nursery roleplay with me is imaginative and immersive. I create entire scenarios from scratch: you’re the new baby at nursery and I’m the babysitter showing you the ropes; or we’re playing house and you’re my baby and the house rules are whatever makes Stacey happy; or it’s your first nappy and I’m patiently, teasingly, torturously slowly introducing you to the experience. And bottle feeding? I hold you in my arms, tip the bottle to your lips, and feed you so tenderly that you’ll forget every stress you’ve ever had.

Your mummy will be home at midnight. That gives us hours. Call 1-888-430-2010 and ask for Babysitter Stacey. We’re staying up past bedtime, we’re breaking every rule on that fridge note, and we’re going to have the most fun you’ve ever had in a nappy. Ready? Let’s go.